Watch Us Run
by hillbillygirl11
Summary: Series of oneshots and drabbles covering Rose and the Doctor's growing relationship . . . Chapter 6: He can not cry for this beautiful human girl who's brought joy back into his life, a cool breeze blowing the dust off his soul. He wants to scream and cry and apologize and hold her, exchange her life for his, anything that will get her on the other side of that door.
1. Run!

**I found this on my computer a few days ago. Apparently I wrote it sometime after rewatching _Rose_, and while considering exactly what the Doctor did between the first and the second time he asked. I am of the opinion that he _did_ go somewhere else before coming back, so this is my version of it. Bad Wolf cameo!  
**

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_Run._

The first word he says to her. Trapped in a basement, surrounded by deadly shop window dummies, preparing to die. He glances at her for just a moment before pulling her away, only long enough to see the blonde hair and whiskey colored eyes. He grabs her hand and in the heat of the moment misses the spark that jumps between them when their skin touches.

A simple shop girl, that's all she is. Not even that, after he blows up her job. But then he runs into her again. She bombards him with questions, of course, the stupid ape. Follows him even after the arm tries to kill her. Most people would have just left it alone then, made up something to tell themselves and after awhile maybe even start believing it. But not her. So he pulls out his trump card: the turn of the Earth speech. Surely, even _she_ would leave him alone after that.

But then he runs into her _again_ while tracking the Auton. At a restaurant with her plastic boyfriend, too absorbed in her chips to notice anything wrong with him. She was rather resourceful in emptying out the restaurant though, he would give her that. And she didn't react too badly to the culture shock once she entered the TARDIS.

But its when they're under the London Eye, the signal already transmitting and him helpless, that he realizes something.

He doesn't want her to die. Too many people have died with him recently. And she's young, so young and so naïve about the universe. He yells for her to go, to run, to take the cowardly Ricky and just get out. But she doesn't, and before he knows it they're back in the TARDIS, the Nestene Consciousness dead and gone. The battle won.

She leaves the TARDIS with Ricky, pulling him out from where he's hiding behind some trash cans. And he asks her. He asks her to come with him, to travel the universe. He can see the indecision on her face, but for just a moment he allows himself to hope. Because down in that horrible room he finally felt alive again. He felt alive with hope and pride, and he had smiled and laughed for real when she let go of the chain and landed in his arms. It felt right, it felt good.

But then she said no. She gave some excuse and patted Ricky's arm, and he nodded and said okay, see you around. He put the mask back on his face, pretending not to care but not entirely succeeding. He closed the door behind him and dematerialized.

He shouldn't care. He doesn't care. People have turned him down before, plenty of times. He's never cared that much before. So why are his hearts clenching like this? He's fond of her, that's it. Just . . . fond of her.

He puts the TARDIS on random and holds on as it shakes and tumbles. He doesn't really pay attention to where he is when he goes outside, only registering that its some future colony of Earth. His mind is full of images of _her_, but he doesn't know why. Laughing, smiling, talking. Why can't he get her out of his head?

He's walking down the street when he turns the corner and runs straight into someone. At first all he says is the blonde hair and for a split second he thinks the impossible: that its her. But then the girl steps back and he sees the blue eyes and freckles and knows it isn't.

"Sorry," he mutters, already pushing past her. But a hand on his arm stops him, and when he glances back the girl is staring at him with an expression that even in all his years of life he can't identify. "What?" he asks, nearly snapping but also extremely confused.

"S-sorry." she says finally. "Thought I recognized you." the hand is removed and a second later she has melted back into the crowd. He shakes his head and turns back around, his thoughts already a thousand miles and a hundred years away. He glances up at the sign as he enters a shop, contemplating the strange name. _Bad Wolf Fish and Chips._

He's halfway through his chips when a thought occurs to him. There's a sign on the wall above his table, a movie poster from the twenty-first century about something he doesn't really care about. The subtitle is _An Adventure Through Space and Time!_ and he's been staring at it for twenty minutes when he realizes he never told her that he could travel through time. He's out of the chippie within a few seconds, leaving his half-full basket of chips behind him on the table.

He bangs into the TARDIS, letting the door slam behind him and starts the dematerialization sequence. He's landed back in the twenty-first century only seconds later. He runs down the ramp and pulls the door open, just managing to look casual as he leans against the doorframe.

"By the way," he says, watching with nervous glee as she turns around. "Did I mention it also travels in time?"

And then she's kissing her boyfriend goodbye and running to him with _that_ smile, her tongue between her teeth, and he feels . . . he feels good.

Maybe he doesn't have to be alone.

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**The girl outside the Bad Wolf (hehehe . . . I couldn't resist) shop is my OC. I've been working on her for a while and she's finally found her way onto paper. I will post her story one day . . . you know, after its actually written. **

**I plan to make this a series of oneshots, covering some of my favorite episodes, and favorite parts of said episodes. The OC might have some passing mentions, like in this chapter. Nothing major. **

**P.S. Has anyone else seen the deleted footage of the Doctor hugging Rose during _Dalek_? It happens right after the Dalek self destructs, the Doctor just drops the gun and grabs her . . . well, its really cute. That will probably be a scene I do, so when I get to that I'll post a link so you can see it yourself. **

**Review! I'll update faster! **


	2. Everything Has It's Time

Looking back on it, he has no idea why he ever thought it was a good idea. Taking her to the destruction of her planet on her first trip? Not his best idea. So why did he do it? Did he expect her to be okay with all of it, talking trees and bitchy trampolines and a giant head in a jar all gathering to watch the earth burn, for fun? She had just come from working in a shop, for Rassilon's sake. A stupid little shop in 21st century London. To go from that to seeing her entire world burn . . .

And nearly burning herself. How did she get stuck in that room in the first place? He never asked. He was too busy running around with Jabe, trying to figure out what was going on. Then the Steward died, and everything went to hell. The unmasking of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme, Cassandra's confession, all the guests beginning to roast. And did Jabe really have to die? She was resourceful and clever, not nearly as clever as him of course, but clever enough for a tree. She figured out who he was, helped him get through to save the others. When he looked back and saw her begin to burn he nearly lost hope. He was ready to just stop there, let the place burn. What was one more ship of greedy, arrogant aristocrats? He had offed a whole _planet_ of greedy arrogant aristocrats. But then his thoughts went back to Rose, stupid Rose, clever Rose, ever-so-brave Rose. So he stepped past the last fan (he hadn't tried that trick in a while; he was really thankful when it worked instead of cutting him to ribbons) and pulled the lever, resetting the ship and saving everyone. Or so he thought.

In the end, only four people lost their lives. The blue mechanic Rose ran into was the first; she mentioned her later when they were eating chips. The Steward was the second. Then the Mox Of Balhoon, and finally Cassandra herself.

_Everything has its time, and everything dies. _

He believes that. Of course he believes that. The Time Lords would have died eventually. He just sped it up a bit, and saved the rest of the universe in the process. Thats what he tells himself at night when he wakes up soaked in a cold sweat, the screams still echoing in his ears and the images of the flames etched onto his eyelids for him to see every time he closes his eyes.

Maybe thats why he took her there. He wanted to show her that even when everything died, it wasn't the end. Maybe he was really trying to show that to himself.

Maybe he wanted her to feel the same way he did, just for a bit.

Maybe he wanted someone to understand.

Maybe he was being cruel. He didn't correct her when she said she was the last human: he knew about New Earth. He could have told her about all the billions of people there, living there part-human lives. But he didn't. He could have stopped at the New Roman Empire, showed her the sights there instead. But he didn't.

Maybe he was trying to scare her. No, not just scare her. Scare her off. She was _too_ young, too innocent, too pure. He wanted to show her the worst he had to offer so she would leave. He didn't want her to be corrupted by him and his universe. He wanted her to go back to her boyfriend and her chips and telly and stupid ape life. But she didn't.

She was horrified, yes. She was terrified and alone and she nearly died. But she didn't ask to leave. So he took her back to her time. He was going to drop her off, yes, that's what he would do. That's what he told himself he was doing.

But instead he found himself taking her hand and telling her about the Time Lords, about the War, and then they were eating chips and she was laughing again and he found himself smiling without really knowing why. Back on the TARDIS, as she goes to find a room that has been prepared for her, he spins them into the vortex and watches as she disappears out of the console room. And he realizes that his plan has backfired on him. He can't take her back now, not after this. Because she can make him smile and laugh now when nothing else can. She's stronger than he ever expected, and she's got a hold on his hearts now. So when her astonished laugh echoes down the corridor he just smiles again and reaches for a lever, wondering whether she like Dickens.

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**So I wrote this just a few days after the first chapter, on my iPod. Then the iPod broke, and the file wouldn't transfer to my new one. So I wrote it on the computer, and it didn't save. Then I wrote it out on paper, and it got thrown away. Now I've finally got it to save and everything, but since I rewrote three times, it isn't exactly my best work. No flames! I did my best! **


	3. So Glad I Met You

Guilt is never a good thing for anyone to carry. It weighs on the soul and the conscious until its hard to function at all without feeling a stab of pain. With any amount of guilt its hard to feel good or happy about yourself. Pretty soon all you want is to do something good, something to counter the horrible guilt. And no one carries as much guilt as the Doctor, or does more good. But its never really enough for him to feel good. He pretends all right, he pretends all the time. He puts on a mask when he's out in the world, a mask of ridiculous grins and laughs and sarcastic wit. He erects walls around his real emotions and hides them so deep in himself you'd never know they're there unless he lets you in. And he doesn't let anyone in anymore.

And he'll do anything he can to alleviate that guilt. The problem is, sometimes the good he does turns out to be bad.

Sometimes, when he's fooled into doing the wrong thing, it only adds to his guilt.

Rose never suspected any of that. Not until the Gelth. The blue, gaseous creatures that haunted the house of Mr. Sneed. She couldn't see behind his mask yet, though she had gotten glimpses. Glimpses of sadness bigger than anything she could comprehend and loathing, loathing for himself and sometimes for other creatures. Cassandra was the first time she saw that. The first time she saw his desperation to do good was the Gelth.

Because, how could he resist helping them? Their story was perfect: their physical bodies destroyed by the Time War, searching for a new home. Pity the Gelth.

So of course, it was his fault. The Time War was his people's fault, and the destruction wrought by it was as well. The only Time Lord left, it fell on him to help ease the suffering caused by it. He had to help the Gelth get bodies. He had to do it, to help himself as much as them.

So he didn't listen to Rose's objections, he encouraged Gwyneth. Anything to help get rid of this awful pain weighing down on his empty, lonely mind.

Then it all went wrong. Mr. Sneed's death, Dickens running off. Him and Rose trapped in the dungeon, side by side. Preparing to die.

"But I can't die," Rose says. "Tell me I can't. I haven't even been born yet, its impossible for me to die. Isn't it?"

He looks over at her. Fantastic, beautiful, clever Rose. And all he can think to say is "I'm sorry."

He has to explain, of course. How she can die before she's born. Die and become one of the Gelth.

He doesn't want to die. Surprising, that, considering he got this body by offing himself after he destroyed Gallifrey. But he doesn't want to. And he doesn't want Rose to die, no, never Rose. She doesn't deserve to die here because of his stupid decisions.

"We'll go down fightin', yeah?" She says shakily.

"Yeah." He replies.

"Together?"

"Yeah." He says again. She grabs his hand and as their fingers intwine he's struck by an emotion so powerful he can't even breathe for a moment. He doesn't know what it is, this burning in his hearts, but as he turns to look at Rose he vocalizes it in the only way he can.

"I'm so glad I met you." He says. His mask comes off as he does so when she looks up and smiles that beautiful smile of hers, she's seeing the real him. Doesn't even know it, but she is.

"Me too." She replies, squeezing his hand, and he smiles as well. That true, proper smile he only gets when he's around her.

Then Dickens is back, filling the room with gas and drawing out the Gelth. He barely has time to consider how brilliant that man really is before they're free and Dickens is dragging Rose out. He gives Gwyneth a kiss on her cold, dead forehead and runs, getting out of the house just as it blows up.

They say goodbye to Dickens and he chuckles at his expression as the TARDIS begins to dematerialize. But all the while the burning is still in his hearts, distracting him every time Rose speaks. When she announces she's going to bed he nods, then pushes himself away from the console to wrap her in a hug. He doesn't really know why, but he does anyway. He feels her bury her face in his leather-clad shoulder, the tension in her body relaxing just a bit.

No, he won't name that strange emotion he's feeling. He's not sure he can just yet. He just knows that this silly, stupid ape in his arms has become more important to him in two days than he thought anyone could again. And it's scary, but he doesn't really care. As long as she's here, he'll be all right. As she said just a few hours ago: its better with two.

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**So, I already have the next chapter written. If I get reviews, I'll update faster. Deal?**

**Also, a revised message from Valkyrie Elysia. **

**On a very serious note, a part of the SOPA bill, the stupid document that tried to take away our freedoms on the internet which the American government tried to pass a few years ago, is trying to be passed again. And this time around, if this bill gets passed, if a particular stream contains ANY copyrighted material in the broadest of terms the uploader and creator of the content could be found guilty and put in prison for years on felony charges. Also, anyone who streams a video with 'copyrighted' content, whether it be on YouTube, a walkthrough for a video game, or a kid singing a song could be faced with charges as well. Yeah, you heard me right - anyone who posts lets plays, amvs, fandubs, lyric videos, singing a lyric song in public, reviews which have movie clips in it, fan made movies or covers online could possibly be cell mates with serial killers and rapists. That is one of the highest form of criminal offensives for something as simple as uploading a video game walkthrough on YouTube, playing a song with lyrics of your favorite artist, posting a review with movie clips in it, or making a fan made movie or amv.**

**This doesn't just effects people in the States, but world wide. If this bill gets passed, many people who post videos with 'copy written' material, especially in the States, online could possibly end up with major charges, possibly being put in maximum security prison long side serial killers and rapists. These could possibly include your friends and family to people at thatguywiththeglasses to your favourite YouTuber.**

**This bill is taking away human rights and freedoms - that is wrong in my eyes. I don't know about you guys, but I want to do something about it and help put an end to this before it begins.**

**We, even those not living in America or not an legal adults, are not as powerless as we might think. We stopped SOPA before and we must do it again. If you want to stop this bill from being passed, please spread the word by posting an similar A/N in the next chapter of your own story; making a video with information about this on YouTube with a link to the petition; or even post messages about it on sites like Twitter, 4chan, Tumbler, Facebook and any other social media sites you can think of, informing people of this bill. You can even do your part by simply informing your friends and family members about this. Anyone can do these actions no matter what nation you live in or what age you are.**

**For those readers living in America, especially those who are legal adults, please for the love of God, sign the official petition stopping this bill online because you guys are the ones who could truly put an end to this madness easier then the rest of us living in other countries. If you ask me through a PM or even a comment, I can give a link to the official petition which any of my legal age, American readers can sign.**

**This bill is trying to be passed quietly and we can stop them in their tracks by simply letting as many people know about this as we possible can. I know we stopped this bill once before, but if we all have the "well, it won't get passed anyway since it did not last time" attitude and do nothing about it, informing no one about this, this bill will get passed. for sure. Do not sit idle by and let this bill happen, let people know about this and do your part! We can all take part and make a difference if we put up a fight for our rights**

**Link: .gov/petition/stop-sopa-2013/LMzMVrQF**


	4. I Could Save the World But Lose You

Slitheen on the outside, useless Emergency Protocols on the inside. No contacts left, not anymore. All his contacts are dead downstairs. He really hopes Brigadier wasn't there. Didn't see him, but you never know. He lost track of him years ago, he doesn't even know if he still works for UNIT.

"Voicemail dooms us all," he hears Harriet say, and he looks up. Rose is pacing, trying to think of a solution. Of course she is, wonderful, clever Rose. Always trying to fix everything.

"If we could just get out of here-" she starts to say, and he's speaking before he can stop himself.

"There's a way out." he mutters, not meeting her eyes. "There's always been a way out."

"Then why didn't we use it?" she asks him incredulously.

Still not meeting Rose's eyes, he walks forward to lean on the table. "Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe." he tells Jackie.

"Don't you dare, whatever it is, don't you _dare_." her voice snaps at him through the speakers, and he has to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"That's the thing, if I don't _dare_ everyone dies." he says. Jackie Tyler, so frustratingly human. She loves her daughter so much she's willing to let the world die to try and keep her safe. Of course-

"Do it."

He looks up at Rose. She's standing across the table from him, scared but determined. Just a glance at her and he knows she won't back down. She's so bloody stubborn sometimes. Then what she said reaches his brain and he gapes at her in shock.

"You don't even know what it is, you'd just let me?" his mask is slipping again, as it does so often around her now. How can she say that? How can she trust him so completely with her life after such a short time?

She shrugs minutely and just mutters "Yeah," he can't take his eyes off her. This crazy, stupid, irrational, wonderful, clever, _fantastic_ girl, putting her life in his hands without a second thought.

"Please Doctor, _please_." he hears Jackie say. "She's my daughter, she's just a kid."

"Do you think I don't know that?" he asks softly, finally tearing his eyes away from Rose. "'Cause this is my life, Jackie. Its not fun, its not smart, its just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Rose asks. He meets her eyes, and now all his walls, his masks, his smiles and laughs and bravado and pride are all gone in the face of her trust. And he's scared, so scared, 'cause she's seeing the real him now. She's seeing his very core, and what he does and what he is, and how he really, actually feels.

"I could save the world but lose you." he thinks, then realizes too late he's said it out loud. Rose looks shocked and he wants to look away but he can't, and for a moment the rest of the universe doesn't exist. For a moment its just her and him, Rose Tyler and the Doctor, not Slitheen or Harriet or Jackie or Ricky. Just them. And in that moment he keeps the walls down, and lets her see him, no matter how terrifying it is. He needs her to see, for some reason.

"Except its not your decision, Doctor. Its mine." Harriet says, and the moment is over. The universe is back and they're still looking at each other, but his walls are back. Rose can see his walls now, but she can't see behind them anymore.

"And who the hell are you?" Jackie snaps.

"Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North." she answers formally. "The only elected representative in this room, chosen by the people, for the people, and on behalf of the people, I command you. Doctor."

He glances at Harriet, then looks back at Rose, a grin on his face. "Let's get to work."

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**Words of warning: I'm a sucker for reviews. I love them so much, and they inspire me to write a lot faster. However, one week of school is already bogging down my writing schedule. Care to give me some extra inspiration?**


	5. We Are the Same

**Well, school has been awful. I'm sorry this took so long, but all the emotions in this episode were giving me a LOT of trouble. I've finally decided that instead of just dedicating one chapter to Dalek, I'll be splitting it into several so I can cover all the scenes I want to do. There's really not that much romance in this one, actually, but it's still really necessary as an insight into the Doctor's personality. Enjoy, and please review.**

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The vault door closes behind him and with a loud boom and barely audible click as it locks. There's hardly any light in the room, not enough to see this 'Metaltron' Van Statten is so obsessed with, but enough to make out the torture implements laid on the table. The Doctor grimaces and composes himself before turning to where he assumes the creature is to speak.

"Look, I'm sorry about this Mister Van Statten. Might think he's clever, but never mind him. I've come to help. I'm the Doctor."

There is a beat of silence in which he's afraid this creature might actually be dead after all its gone through. Then . . .

"Doc-tor?"

His hearts stutter and nearly stop when he hears the voice. The same voice that screams in his nightmares every time he manages to sleep. Its impossible. Totally impossible. He might be talking again, he's not quite sure, because the dalek is screaming at him as the lights finally switch on.

"_The_ Doc-tor?! Ex-ter-min-ate! Ex-ter-min-ate! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"Let me out!" he yells, banging on the door as hard as he can, but there's no response from outside.

"You are an en-emy of the Da-leks! You must be DES-TROYED!"

His sonic screwdriver is forgotten as his mind races and he turns to stare Death in the face, still trying to back as far away as he can. He's come all this way, survived this long, done so much just to die here. He's just starting to think of a certain blonde upstairs that won't be able to get home without him when he realizes the dalek is pointing but not firing. The laser moves a few times but does nothing, and he comes to the right conclusion at the same moment as the dalek.

"Its not working." the dalek looks down at it and he just can't help himself. "Hahahahahhaha! Fantastic! Oh . . . fantastic." he sounds like a madman and he knows it, but doesn't quite care. Maybe that's what he is. That's what he's been all along and he just hasn't realized it until now. He's not going to die, not now. But this _thing_ shouldn't be here. "The great space dustbin, how does it feel?" he yells, running up and putting his face in its eye stalk, hardly containing another maniacal laugh as it tries to back away from him.

"Keep back!"

"What for? What are you gonna do to me?" he rages, putting some space between them now because he's having trouble breathing that close to it. "If you can't kill, then what are you good for, dalek? What's the point of you? You're nothing!"

There's a pause and the dalek doesn't reply. Part of him doesn't want it to, part of him never wants to hear it speak again. But the other part needs to know how it got here. It escaped. What if others did? Was it all for nothing?

"What the hell are you here for?" he mutters, not looking at the creature tied in front of him.

"I am wait-ing for or-ders."

"What does that mean?"

"I am a sol-dier. I was bred to re-ceive or-ders."

"Well, you're never gonna get any. Not ever." he says, almost managing to convince himself that's true. How did this one escape? Does it not know what happened?

"I de-mand or-ders!"

"Well they're never gonna come! Your race is dead. You all burned, all of you. Ten million ships on fire, the entire Dalek race, wiped out in one second."

"You lie!"

It doesn't know. It doesn't remember. It must have fallen through time; the only survivor. The _only_ survivor.

"I watched it happen. I _made_ it happen!" he yells, gloating about his victory for the first, and last, time.

"You des-troyed us?"

It must be the way the soldier worded it, because it felt like someone had stabbed him in between the hearts. Those were the words he dreamt of hearing every day. Hearing them from another Time Lord who had somehow, miraculously, survived, searching out someone else only to find him and know that he had been the one to do it. To hear the accusation and pain and hate in the words they threw at him before leaving him alone again. And even though this is a dalek, the filth of the universe, the words hurt just as much as they would from one of his kind. He has to turn away to answer because he doesn't want to look at it anymore.

"I had no choice." he practically whispers it, but he knows the dalek heard it.

"And what of the Time Lords?"

To hear that name coming from a dalek sends another stab of pain through him, but this one awakens his mind. This thing isn't one of his people. It's the filth he and his race were protecting the universe from. But he has to answer anyway, because he knows the thing won't just stay quiet.

"Dead. They burned with you." he takes a deep, rattling breath to steady himself, even though he knows it won't work. "The last great Time War. Everyone lost."

"And the cow-ard sur-vived."

"Oh, and I got your little signal. Help me, poor little thing." he mocks, because he doesn't want to respond to that accusation. The coward. The one who ran, from the untempered schism, from his duties, from his family and friends, from his people. Always running, and never stopping. "But there's no one else coming, 'cause there's no one else left."

"I am a-lone in the un-i-verse."

"Yep." he says, managing a tiny smug smile before it continues.

"So are you." the smile melts off his face. "We are the same."

"We're not the _same_, I'm not-" he stops, because a horrible, genius thought has occurred to him. "No, wait. Maybe we are. You're right, yeah, okay." he says, backing up slowly to the controls behind him. "You've got a point. 'Cause I know what to do. I know what should happen. I know what you deserve." the dalek's eye stalk is following him, unsure of what he's doing. Well, it should now. Its exactly what it would do in his situation. So he just fakes a smile and lets that little bud of cruelty that's been building inside him flourish. "Exterminate."

He pulls the lever and watches with grim satisfaction as the dalek screams in pain. Just a few more seconds and it will roast inside that metal casing it has, and it will all be over.

"Pit-y me!" it screams, and he shakes his head.

"Why should I? You never did."

Except the door is actually opening now and someone is pulling him away, shutting off the power. He yells at them to kill it, kill it now before it can escape, except no one's listening. After awhile he's not even listening to himself. He's listening to the screams of Time Lords and Daleks alike as they burned in one great inferno at the end of Time War. He's listening to the first cries of terror, from Rassilon and Romana and Susan alike, as they realize what he's done. He's listening to his own screams as he bolted inside the TARDIS and ran away. He's listening to the cries of a long dead people. He's listening to his victims, and only wishing that he could add this dalek to the list.


	6. I Wouldn't Have Missed It for the World

**Not much to say here, except . . . sorry. I haven't had much time for writing lately. This came in a short burst of inspiration through my persistent writers block, so there's no saying when the next chapter will be. However, reviews do help my inspiration...**

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"Its been years since I've had to work this fast," Van Statten says excitedly, his eyes flickering from the screen to the keyboard.

"You enjoying this?" The Doctor snaps, still irritated that he's had to stoop to having Henry "I Own the Internet" Van Statten help him contain the dalek. He could do it himself if he had the time, but he doesn't know any of the passwords and it would take to long to hack the system with the sonic.

"Doctor, she's still down there." Van Statten's assistant (what's her name?) says. He glances up at her, a little surprised she remembered Rose at all, then nods. He grabs a ear piece off the desk and hooks it up, continuing his work as he calls Rose. It rings twice before she picks up and his heart lifts a little at the sound of her voice, even though he's not really sure what she said.

"Where are you?" he asks, hoping the tremor isn't showing in his voice. There's a pause before she replies and his hopes sink a little. Level 49. She's not out yet. "You've got to keep moving, the vault's being sealed off at Level 46." he tells her.

"Can't you stop them closing?" she asks, sounding a little breathless. If (no, he thinks, _when_) they get out of this he'll have to show her the TARDIS gym so she work up some endurance. Running for their lives seems to be becoming a pattern.

"I'm the one who's closing them." he says. Not strictly true, since Van Statten is doing most of the work, but he doesn't really feel like explaining his motivations for using the git's help. He keeps his eye on the dalek's progress, wishing he could see Rose. Those bulkheads need to be closed, fast. "I can't wait, and I can't help you. So for God's sake, run." _Run, Rose. Run as fast as you can. _

For a few seconds the only sound is the rapid of click of computer keys and Rose's panting through the phone. Then...

"We've got power to the bulkheads."

Van Statten's done it. But Rose isn't through yet, so he doesn't push the button.

"Doctor, the dalek's right behind them." Van Statten's assistant reminds him. His hands twitch toward the button, images of burning ships and screaming children assaulting his mind. But he's not leaving Rose behind. He can't.

"We're nearly there, two seconds!" Rose calls.

"Doctor, I can't sustain the power." Van Statten says, still working furiously at his keyboard. "The whole system is failing. Doctor, we've got to close the bulkheads."

He stares at the dot on the screen that indicates the dalek. Memories and emotions and morals flash through his mind, but his burning hatred and fear of that creature wins out in the end. Before he can consider his actions, he's muttering, "I'm sorry." to Rose and hitting the button.

He closes his eyes and waits. There are twenty-eight agonizing seconds where the only sounds are the alarms announcing the bulkheads closing and his own hearts.

"The vault is sealed." Van Statten finally announces, but there's nothing only silence from Rose's end. The Doctor is out of his chair in a second, as though standing will somehow get him closer to her.

"Rose, where are you?" a pause, and no response. "Rose, did you make it?" he asks.

There's a sniffle. A tiny sigh. "So I was a little slow." she mutters finally, and his hearts nearly stop in his chest.

She didn't make it.

She's trapped.

Alone, with a dalek.

And it's his fault.

"It wasn't you fault, remember that, okay?" she says, and a twisted part of him wants to laugh at the absurdness of her responding to his thoughts. "It wasn't your fault." she repeats, but it does nothing for this new sprout of pain and guilt in his chest. He wants to say something to her, but the words get caught halfway up his throat. "And you know what?" she says, sounding like she's on the verge of tears. But she's still strong, even in the face of death. God, what has he done to her? "I wouldn't have missed it for the world," she says. Tears prickle at the back of his eyes, but no he will _not_ cry. He can not cry for this beautiful human girl who's brought joy back into his life, a cool breeze blowing the dust off his soul. He wants to scream and cry and apologize and hold her, exchange her life for his, _anything_ that will get her on the other side of that door. But he can't. And now he's missed his chance to say anything at all.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" the cry is loud over the roaring in his ears and he hears the two shots that follow it perfectly. Flinching as if it was him that was shot at, he rips the ear piece out. He doesn't want to hear anything else. What would there be? A last, dying breath? The sound of her body hitting the floor?

There is silence for a minute. The Doctor can't breathe and doesn't even realize it when his respiratory bypass kicks in, because his mind is full of _her_. Her smiling at him with her tongue between her teeth. Her in that dress in 1869. Her grabbing hold of his hand in a closet in Downing Street. How can he not blame himself? He brought her here and snuffed out her beautiful light practically singlehanded. He pushed the button. He couldn't kill the dalek. It is nobody's fault but his own.

"I'm sorry." he hears Van Statten whisper behind him, and that is just enough to push him over the edge from grief to rage. He turns to face the billionaire, the only other person left that he could possibly blame.

"I said I'd protect her. She's only here because of me, and you're _sorry_?" he sneers, a little pleased to see Van Statten cringing at his tone. "I could've killed that dalek in its cell, but you stopped me." yes, he could've done it. It would have saved so many people. It would have saved Rose.

"It was the prize of my collection!" Van Statten objects..

"Your _COLLECTION?! _Well was it worth it?" the Doctor rages, surging forward and desperately wishing there wasn't a desk between them. "Worth all those men's deaths, worth Rose? Let me tell you something Van Statten, mankind goes to space to explore, to be part of something greater-"

"Exactly!" he interrupts. "I wanted to touch the stars!"

"You just want to drag the stars down and stick them underground underneath tons of sand, and dirt, and label them! You're about as far from the stars as you can get!" the Doctor yells, then stops. Another thought had pervaded his mind, of taking Rose to see the rose galaxy. Her comments about it being 'close enough to touch'. And thanking him for taking her with him, for setting her free. "And you took her down with you." he says quietly, all his rage draining out of him for the moment and being replaced with an all too familiar heartache. "She was nineteen years old." Still a teenager, barely an adult. Except now she is none of that. Now she is just another face that will haunt him at night, another name on the list of the dead. Another life lost that he will never forgive himself for. What will he tell her mother? What will he tell himself?

What will he do now, without her light to guide him through his darkness?


End file.
